Week 3 Day 1

My oh my, the bloody weekend flew past so quickly I hardly felt it. Today, the office welcomed back the missing link. Lanky girl, think she's a matlander, skirt looks short due to her long legs. To sum it all up, she ain't pretty. Got caught off guard in the early morning when Charlie came up to me. Out of the blue, he just spoke to me when I least unexpected. After that, work started properly and I was left to idle AGAIN. I spent the morning doing MSN quizzes. I'm pleased to tell you that my grammar, vocabulary and spelling are all very satisfactory. Also passed the spanish quiz and did well for the animals and geography quizzes. I noticed that all the foremen are like white pigeons. The fly around the office and they all flock together at lunch time. Till date, I noticed 4 of them. These days, I tend to act like a computer, once idle for too long, I tend to switch to screen saver mode. Fotunately I don't hibernate yet. K2000 wasn't around today and nither was CB. The quiet girl seemed busy. I still haven't thought of a name for her. I think Meek, Meeka or Meekly will do fine. The highlight of the day was at lunch time, The Big Boss Man popped out of the life just as I was about to go to lunch. Say my name, say my name. If no one is around you, say baby I love you. If you ain't runnin' game. Say my name, say my name. You actin' kinda shady, ain't callin' me baby. Better say my name. For da record, this was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw him and this would be da first time I've spoken to him since starting work. Gandalf has something up his sleeve for me. Something to do with a password and all. Hope that stuff is processed quick so I can DO some WORK.
After lunch, finally some meaningless work. I got to mess around with the system again. The Oops!I lost my passport girl got me to do some claims. Type this number, then type that number, then Enter, Enter, Enter, type another number, F7, F7, F12, F3, F3, F3, type this password and do it again for each of these forms. I had no freaking idea what the hell was going on but it all seemed simple enough. Like any trained monkey, I was able to do this for the whole stack of forms but this time, I fugged it up a little. I was at the 2nd form from the end and I hit F3 too many times. Got kicked to a strange page which I've not seen b4 and game over. Like I said, I had no idea what I was doing. By the time Passport girl came back, it was time for me to go home. I hung around to do a few more quizzes then dissappeared in a flash. Not in a great hurry to leave since I drove to work. I didn't get a car for my Bday, so I hope somebody hears my plea.

Quote of the day : I think 0's and 1's in binary should be replaced with 6's and 9's. That would be much more entertaining

Work Week 2

The bloody week felt like 1 very long day. There was work work work to be done, poor ol Doug ain't havin fun. The news highlight of the week was that the person who was on leave isn't back because she lost her passport and cannot re-enter the country. HURRAH! I have a semi permanent desk now. Coffee can be attained from the customer service counter on the ground floor, radio can be accessed from the internet and also INTERNET! Why have a computer when theres no internet.
As the week continued, This missing person had work piling up. I had to clear her damm work! BIATCH! Even had to bloody stay till 1380. They had better be paying me! I guess you peeps want to know how the 'people' are this week.
Hmmm, where did I stop, been pretty darn tired and stuff so its time I finshed this post. Faggity the hobbit is still a fag. Been havin lunch with Wacko Jacko these past few days. Slack to da core. Da Perve wasn't around much. Jackass comes and goes. Doesn't talk much to the people around. Helen is hellish. Her damm perfume is overwhelming. Even if you farted at her, she'd still smell nice. If you're in the same lift, you might wanna fart so you stay alive. Had lunch with K2000 just once. He hangs out with this girl with gold hair. The kind of colour I like on REAL european women. She's a receptionist I think. Probably the hottest property in the whole darn office but I wasn't impressed by her chinkyness. She smokes menthol too like K2000. I almost died laughing when I saw the little knitted bag she used to carry her box of cigarettes. I almost died another time from laughter when I saw the way she took puffs from the corner of her mouth. WHASSUP with that?!?!? Sometimes I just don't get it. Anyways, I call her the chinese ang moh.
Well thats a wrap I guess. Thank God for good friday!

Quote of the day : I'm not racist, I have colour TV

Work day 4 : Ach chi and Orlers

Today I was attached to this fella called Jack. He's all about the system. Minimum effort to do maximum work in the shortest possible time. Wacko Jacko is totally made for such routine jobs. Then there is Faggity. He is a big hobbit who gets along very well with the 'angels'. He is a big fag who talks very loudly when he gets excited. I bet he jumps around and screams like a girl too. Charlie wasn't around today so the 'angels' seemed to have quite a good time. Today I managed to reduce idling time by reading my textbook. This was a double happiness solution because I managed to answer the tutorial questions.

Gandalf was quite busy today with some internal ISO checks. Totally kelong stuff where any mistakes are gladly overlooked. The one thing that is constant in this dept is that nobody goes for lunch. They rather stay in and starve. Whatever that reasons, I'm sure they ain't working according to plan. CB is not exactly thin and nither is K2000. 50 bucks has the ach chi syndrom and K2000 can't say 'order'. His job is to place orlers for more spare parts.

Quote of the day : You'll never see a black santa. What are the chances of a black man breaking into people's houses to 'leave' things

Work day 3 : Enter the Blob

Another day where I do nothing for almost half the day. Not too good because the boss saw me idling. The big boss in charge of this dept is Charlie but sadly, he ain't got no angels working for him. Some new people enter my life today, some just enter my sight and can't get out. Some person is on leave for the whole week, so I get to use her desk. I have never met her before. Helen sits behind me and from what I hear and see, her job and her looks are pretty much summed up by the first half of her name. Then there is the Blob. Blob or B.L.O.B as i named him stands for Big Lazy Obese with Breasts. He sits by the lift and near the entrance. You can't miss him spilling out of his cubicle. If you heard of Da Verve, This department has Da Perve. Oldish dude, similar to those who oogle at hookers in Geylang. He sits across the passage on my right. Always sneeking in a game of Mahjong on his computer. His job seems awfully boring, or it will be if you are his age and have been doing it since the last decade.

I was attached to Stanley today. At first he looked loserly, like Stanley Ipkiss. Then as the day wore on, He began to look like Kai. Bad news Kai. Slight shorter, fairer, longer hair, smokes menthol. I wonder what I'll call him. K2000 maybe. Just like Terminator and T2000. He's K2000, the new improved evil Kai. Fella left me to idle for a good part of the day. He manages the parts inventory. Old Chinese Uncle swings by quite often to enquire about parts. Spoke to me in hokkien describing not having a particular part being like having a stomachache without an available toilet. I think I'll improve on his name and call him Old Chang Kee or OCK.

And finally the 3 'angels'. CB seems to be the more outspoken one if at all she speaks. She is relatively fruitacious but I would like to point out that nice fruits look even better if they grew on a nice tree. I wonder if I should call her Chinky Char Bor for obvious reasons or just stick to CB. Then there is Mrs Something. I totally forgot her name and didn't know she existed. Lastly there is this thin or seemingly taller girl. She always looks uneasy to me. Haven't thought of a name for her, but I will soon.

Qoute of the day : If an idle mind is the devil's workshop, he can do twice as much as much work in my mind.

Work day 2

Bad start to the day. Woke up 5 minutes earlier but had to run for the bus. Crazy bus driver was trying to beat his previous record. Passed by the darkside of town, many of em got up the bus. It surprises me how a person can stink first thing in the morning. Saw some guy from the office in the bus. White hair and all, looked senior. Turns out that I would be attached to him for the whole day. First thing to do, look for Mr Ang. Since there are 2 Mr Angs, in order to tell them apart, I named them big ang pow and small ang pow because 1 was the manager like guy, and the other was just a dispenser. It was a bit too chinky chong for me, so I decided to call the manager guy 50 bucks. Hence the small ang pow dispenser naturally became 50 cent.

Back to the white hair dude now. Senior guy incharge of Land Rover spare parts. Knowlegable, spoke fluent malay, I call him Gandalf. He tells me he grew up in a kampong. Shows me around the warehouse area. Introduces me to people in the most irritating way possible but thats all good because I do nothing again the whole day. The whole day was used to try to enable me to become one with the matrix. The system was explained to me from many angles and sometimes almost disgustingly BPA like.

Downside of going to the office is that lunch is a very lonely period. I often use the spare time after eating to just sit near the lift and abuse my free sms. Googly sat there today too. He took a quick nap. He looks much better with his eyes close and he snores.

Quote of the day : If I ever got pregnant, I would never get an abortion. I prefer to know my spawns so I can bestow upon them all my evilness and evil ways and evil knowledge. How else will i ever rule the world fool?!

Work work

Oh yea, the day of reckoning has arrived. Get up at 0645 to get ready for the relatively unexpected. Dashed outta the house at 0710 and has smooth transit onto the bus. I noticed nobody means 8.30 when they say 8.30. So hang around till I get briefed and then I was whisked away to another world on the 3rd floor. A cramped little hole where the Parts and Service Depts meet. Stright into some guys office. Mr Ang, a pretty chinky chong guy briefed me about the place and how it works. I wasn't introduced to anyone but another Mr Ang, a even more chinky chong guy. I got to learn about his job. Can't believe people actually do this job for a living. He literally 'dispensed' spare parts requested by service mechanics who are on the other side of a window. Process the job card, pick out the parts and type some item codes into the computer. Well, at least he uses a computer. 1 meaningless day ticked by like this. I had loads of time to mentally evaluate some promintent figures in this cramped hole. Oh my, turns out that the whole damm place is quite chink chong.

Firstly, there is this guy who looks not much older or younger then me, big size, not the fat kind, sits in a cubicle, walks around alot, thinks he's cool and seems to act all important when talking to the 'dispenser' because I'm a newbie. I'll named him Jackass.

Theres also this other girl in the office, comes to talk to the 'dispenser' quite frequently. Had a ok voice, not great looks, quite polite chinky chong girl who is probably bilingual unlike me. The 'dispenser' just calls her 'char bor' whenever she comes around. She is still polite but asks about me indirectly in chinese. Overall niceness rating still decent but we'll review that tomorrow. I'll call her CB for now. It's a good name because in the event that her niceness rating drops, I won't have to think of a new name.

Also noticed a few Ford foremen. 3 in particular. Namely Google eyes or Googly for short, Old Chinese Uncle and Old English Uncle. I never had to speak to them but they sat quite close to where I was stationed. They are like pigeons, flying around the office.

Thats it for today. Pretty crap overall, and I got paid so I'll go back tomorrow.

Quote of the day : Life is like a rental car, you can fuck it up, and still give it back.

SA women urged to exploit their 'assets'

Some interesting headline I came across today. I can't imagine how these women actually look. Also some bigshot CEO from Boeing got fired for having extra marital affairs in the office. Boring day pretty much. Midterm results are out too. Some freakin smartass people in my class. May their student numbers never strike 4d or toto.

JOHANNESBURG, March 9 (Reuters) - The South African women's soccer team will be coached in etiquette and given tighter T-shirts in a drive to soften its image and attract sponsorship ahead of a 2007 World Cup bid.

Quote of the day : Average Ejaculatory Speed is 28 miles per hour (45 km/hr). You could kill a small mammal with that

Shampoo vs Pheromones

I spy a fake tattoo

It's all about the hair these days I noticed. People can have great hair and thats about it. For example, you walk behind someone with great hair and then you wish they didn't turn around. I guess I just summed up the meaning of rebonding or whatever its called. The Pan claimed on Saturday that the above pictured person had hair that smelled great. He claimed it was due to good shampoo. I wasn't quite sure but being the curious person I am, I tried to get in on the smell too. Sadly, 2 sniffs were all I managed to conjure up and the result was no smell. This resulted in some suggestions that this scent being picked up by were in fact pheromones. Yup, thats how you really spell it.

The definition
A chemical secreted by an animal, especially an insect, that influences the behavior or development of others of the same species, often functioning as an attractant of the opposite sex.

My conclusion
The above featured is somewhat classified as an animal, she does influence the behavior of The Pan and The Pan is somewhat attracted(if not interested) to her, I gather that it just might be pheromones at work.

Special thanks to Kai for excellent photograpic skills. The picture I took is not as good as this one.

Quote of the day : i neeber olok at ym kyebord wen i tpey

WTF are people dumping into the sea?

Big ass lobster

This is to remind you that dumping toxic waste into the sea can or may result in some good stuff although I personally don't encourage you to do so.

He dodged lobster pots for decades, endured a trip from the coast of Massachusetts to Pittsburgh and survived about a week in a fish market. But a trip to the zoo proved to be too much for a 22-pound lobster named Bubba. Based on how long it typically takes a lobster to reach eating size — about five to seven years to grow to a pound — some estimated Bubba was about 100 years old. But marine biologists said 30 to 50 years was more likely.

Other famous large lobsters that died :

In 1985, a 25-pound lobster that the New England Aquarium planned to give to a Tokyo museum died when the water temperature rose and the salt dropped in its aquarium.

In 1990, a 17 1/2-pound lobster named Mimi died just days after being flown to a restaurant in Detroit.

Last year, a 14-pound lobster named Hercules that was rescued by a Washington state middle school class died before it could be released off the coast of Maine.

Quote of the day : He asked me where I downloaded it from so I said I walked into the shop and downloaded it from the shelf to my hand then uploaded some money from my pocket to the till via the shop assistant

Hello

Peek-a-boo

Hide and Seek

If you all are wondering why there nothing up on the blog, its because I've been too busy making on lost time. Anwyays, Hide and Seek is a show for psychos about psychos. If you are feeling pissed off about anything, you better say something about it. Don't wanna see any Charlies around. Well, thats about all i gotta say for today. Come out come out wherever you are!

Quote of the day : I want a director's cut version of the matrix where the red and blue pills are suppositories...